Simple Jack - Newly elected President of the IOC
I'm Lovin' It !!!
I'm Lovin' It !!!
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As was strictly enforced in London, Coke and McDonald's are the only brands allowed. Security will be provided by the TSA who are the "Official Gropers of 2016". According to the IOC, the TSA was automatically selected due to their unparalleled efficiency at throwing away things we need. So anyone caught with real food will have it ripped out of their hands by a TSA agent.
The Official Condom: "Usain's Bolt"
Also as in London, only official condoms will be allowed. The official condom of 2016 will be the new brand "Usain's Bolt" part of a line of products that includes boner pills (Warning: If you experience an erection lasting more than 17 days, it may just mean that you are in fact Usain Bolt - #1, The Best, The World's Greatest, The Fastest, The Hardest etc. etc...).
All condoms will be inspected by the TSA before, during and after use.
New Sport: Nude Women's Beach Volleyball
Yes, the sport we (men) have all been waiting for. First it was real volleyball, then it was scantily clad women on a beach volleyball, now finally, the real deal. Many fans had complained in London that the women were overdressed in the beach volleyball events, so the IOC came up with a solution. This of course, will be an exhibition-only event and only men and bearded lesbians will be permitted in the stands. The only permitted competitors will be large-breasted Swedish women.
Other new sports being considered:
1) Handball: No, not the sport seen in London that no one has ever seen before, the real hand ball we played as kids hitting a ball against the wall
2) Leap Frog: This will be borrowed from the gay Olympics. IOC officials are confident there will be fewer delay of game penalties as in the GO
3) Drinking booze while running cross-country: Borrowed from the Hash House Harriers
4) Synchronized Walking
5) Standing on One Leg
6) Synchronized standing on one leg
6) Synchronized standing on one leg
7) Basket Weaving
8) Watching TV
9) My Kids' Favourite: Playing 'Call of Duty' for 16 hours straight
